HLB Athletics: HLB Tri Faces Adversity in Santa Barbara Race

Hardiman Succumbs to Equipment Failure, Neroni Overcomes a Test of Will, Levy-Biehl Experiences Baptism in Fire

Santa Barbara, California

HLB Triathlon Team members Arnold Pamplona, Mark Hardiman, Stacie Neroni and Hope Levy-Biehl opened the triathlon season today, competing in the aptly-named UCSB Spring Hazard Triathlon. Fan favorite Jennifer Levy, sister of new Team member Levy-Biehl, did not participate in the event, opting to play the important role of team manager. And the team would need her support.

"I knew it would be a bad day when I had to wait 30 minutes to use the port-a-potty," complained Neroni. Poor logistical planning on the part of the UCSB students caused most of HLB Tri's problems. The potty situation prevented the Team from completing a proper warm-up swim in the icy Santa Barbara waters. "The warm-up swim is the most important part of the race," said a concerned Pamplona before his race start. It was Pamplona who didn't warm up and thus panicked during the swim portion of last year's Long Beach Triathlon, where he resorted to doggie-paddling for a half mile.

But acclimating to the chilling water was the least of the Team's problems. Large tsunami-like waves were a challenge Levy-Biehl did not expect in her first triathlon. The Team's open-water swim training was done exclusively at the Long Beach Pier, where waves are non-existent. "I was getting battered out there" shouted Levy-Biehl as she exited the water toward the swim-bike transition area.

Neroni was the Team member who overcame the largest obstacle on the swim. HLB Tri's strongest swimmer, Neroni bolted off the beach to begin her race, giving her no other swimmers to follow. She was forced to navigate by sighting a single buoy 800 meters away from the swim start. Because of the inept planning of UCSB, she was effectively forced to swim blind. "Demons surface when you are swimming alone in cold, choppy water and you don't know where you're going," said a disturbed Neroni, re-living the hellish experience. "I'm going to need therapy!"

Despite the numerous problems on the swim, each Team member made it to the swim-bike transition. However, not all were unscathed: Pamplona suffered a serious rash from his wet-suit, forcing him to endure calls of "lobster boy" from race spectators during the bike and run portions.

The bike leg went much smoother for Neroni, Levy-Biehl and Pamplona, who picked off competitors one-by-one throughout the 16-mile course. Hardiman would not be so lucky. He flatted at mile 11. "You really find out what you're made of when you flat with five miles to go and you realize you don't know how to fix it," remarked Hardiman. After crying for several minutes, Hardiman managed to fix his damaged inner-tube using only a twig and duct-tape (a trick he remembered from watching MacGyver). The moment of genius came to an end when he realized that he didn't have a pump to inflate the repaired wheel. There was not a dry tear among the spectators has Hardiman courageously entered the bike-run transition area after having walked his bike for five miles.

Pamplona took home the Team's best time of the day, completing the .5-mile swim, 16-mile bike and 3-mile run in 1:38:18. Neroni and Levy-Biehl placed admirably in their age divisions, finishing in 1:55:35 and 2:12:40, respectively. Hardiman was not allowed to complete the race, as most everyone had gone home by the time he reached the bike-run transition. Somber after earning his first ever "DNF", Hardiman was consoled by the calming presence of Jay Hartz, who surprised the Team with an unannounced appearance at the finish line. "The team looked great," said Hartz, "but it took them so damn long to get to the finish line that I thought I showed up at the wrong race!"